Something about Moo

Refer to previous post please. Ok, now that you know what kind of night I had, I was getting ready to log out, go to bed and got the biggest tickle.

I have an 18 mo old purebred German Shepherd. He was abused as a pup and given to me when he was 8 months old. His registered name is something stupid (Apollo Third Rock From the Sun) I just call him something equally stupid...Moo.

Have you ever seen a shepherd pup try to chew a tennis ball and a Nylabone at the same time? Trust me, hilarious. I've been trying to work with him to be less timid, seems to be better at times but he'd still rather run and hide than look at a stranger. With all the fireworks lately, I'm a bit tired of having him run up to me, stick his head between my legs and quiver...no jokes please, I'm aware of what that sounds like! :-)

Anyway, any other dog, 'specially our trained K9's, no way no how would I get on my knees and take something from them. This one...not so smart. He cocks his head, perks his ears, lets go of both toys and licks my ear. Oh boy! Yea for me! I get a wet willie from a dog! So much for me playing with him, poor boy just doesn't know how and still thinks if I take something he's been bad.

I tried playing fetch with him several months ago, throwing a 15 inch stick across the yard - we don't do that anymore. Graceful there slides in the wet grass and somehow impales himself - in the groin. I can see all the men that may read this crossing their legs in empathatic pain now. Yes one vet visit and 200.00 later my Moo is no longer sportin wood bigger than shepherds are supposed to. The stake somehow managed to almost go straight thru him almost out his back, yet missed every single vital organ.

God bless that dog and his pound puppy sister Moira a Scottie/Schnauzer mix I affectionately call a Schnottie. On my worst days without trying, they never fail to make me laugh.

I love my job, I love my job, I love my job

After being off for 9 days, 5 of which I was stuck in bed with a fever, I left home last night looking forward to going back to work. Until I got there. I only deal with the citizens about 12 hrs or so a month, being mainly a dispatcher. Last night I got 8 full, wonderful, enlightening hours with them. (Insert sarcastic comments, various cuss words here)

First night back I get called the big ol fat "c" word. Yeah, that helps. Just cuz this particular Rhodes scholar doesn't like little things like rules or laws even. Contrary to popular belief, even in Oklahoma, we don't go bustin down doors to get your drug money back. Sorry, so sad for you. On the other hand, I'd be more than happy, sir, to send my officers to check your tweakin behind for paraphenalia, stolen property and/or vehicles if you wish? I didn't think so. In the words of some of my Brit relatives, sod off you bleeding wanker.

And of course we have the magna cum laude from MIT and his equally intelligent roommate that called in about someone throwing a molotov cocktail at their house. Now, not actually being from Oklahoma, Okies still stymie me at times. Is it taught, is it instinct or is it just another "Jackass" wanna be that says "hey, lets go pick this flaming bottle of gasoline up and look at it?" I really don't have to say it, but say it I will, yes, it blew up...in the faces of our rocket scientists. Luckily for them (maybe not so for any future progeny) it didn't seriously hurt either one of them. A bit of hair singed, a small spot of burn and blister on one's cheek. Didn't I mention something about the Lord and watching over fools?

Ah well, to balance the idiots, I also got a few thank yous. Rare though they are, they go a long way to counteract the homicidal thoughts, ahem, I mean the gracious and loving thoughts that I have about our lovely citizens. Within a minute of the "c" word incident, I got a very nice elderly lady who just wanted an officer to drive down her street "when it's convenient dear, no hurry". Her street lights were out and she was just a bit nervous due to several recent burglaries in the neighborhood. Ok, no problem, part of the service. She told me that I was "a dear child and to be sure to thank the wonderful officers for taking care of the old people". Awww, how sweet is that?

I started out the night gritting my teeth "I love my job, I love my job, I love my job" but after that sweet elderly lady and a couple of others, yes I can honestly say...I love my job.

I don't know everything....no, really!

I've been off for a week with pneumonia, yes in July, and apparently my kids miss me. While this makes me feel good that someone does, I have yet to convince some of them that I really don't have all the info on everything that goes on in the city.

It's bad enough that my 18 mo old shepherd won't leave my side even go outside to the bathroom unless I escort him, but these are officers with phones, tv, internet etc. I mean c'mon people, calling me while I'm running a fever of 102 to find out who was the latest officer involved in a wreck? You can call dispatch as easily as I can.

Ok, ok I know they are used to getting their info from me, even when I'm not working their side of town. I get laptop messages all the time asking what is officer so and so's badge number, what is this officer's days off etc. No biggie, they trust me, we have some newer less experienced dispatchers working our "service" channel, I get it.

I did finally drag myself out of bed Monday night to hang out with a couple of the boys. At first I heard the how are you doings, wondering where you've been, missed you kinda stuff. Then 30 seconds later it starts..."so, I have a question for you".

Yesterday it was a text message "did you hear about the 2 officers sent to the hospital, one possibly with a broken jaw and concussion? Do you know who it is, can you find out?" I called in to dispatch, got the info, text back, another happy customer.

I'm not sure if I should start logging in at work as Encyclopedia Brittanica, Dear Abby or Mom.

And I wonder why I'm single!

Loolooloooloooollooooolooooooo

Friday night in the big city (yeah ok, so less than half a mil, but big for around here) and I send two officers on a domestic disturbance with a mental patient. Hubby calls in cuz his wife is goin 'round the bend, off her meds etc. Hubby tells my calltaker that wife is nekkid, standing in the middle of the bed turning circles shouting that she's married to the devil. Oh yeah, and she's on her period. Now, I don't care for one of the officers that I've sent but it's my job to protect them and I advise them to use universal precautions (in other words, hey kids, glove up).

The night goes swimmingly on, I'm on the phone with a Cpl about something else when all of a sudden I hear over the radio "Looolooolooolooloooloooooo" and a male voice trying to speak in there somewhere. Picture a hyper female yodeler and you might come close. It was the officer trying to tell me that he was taking the female to the county mental health facility for evaluation. Unfortunately every time he keyed up all I heard was her "Loooloooloooloolooolooo".

He finally had to send me a message on the laptop before I could understand what he was trying to tell me. When he was done checking her in I asked him if she was doing her Linda Blair/Exorcist imitation. He sent back a message saying yes and he'd fetch me anything I wanted (coffee, chocolate etc) if I never sent him on a call like that again.

For all the boys and girls that have to put up with mental patients and/or crying screaming drunks, I'm sorry. You are appreciated.

I'm used to my officers and their affinity for their guns. In most cases if you were to tell them to choose between their AR15's and sleeping with their wives, the wives would be out with the pooches on the porches so to speak. What I failed to take into consideration was the officer (a corporal no less) and his admiration for citizens with the same gun-toting, law-respecting, butt-kicking mentality as he had.



On the weekends we have a grant to hire extra officers to keep an eye on our trouble spots, mainly a small area of town with numerous bars/clubs with rampant closing time violence.



We had also had a shooting, so all officers on this particular side of town were tied up on the shooting, while calls were stacking up with no one to respond.



I had gotten in a burglary from a vehicle at an address, the victim was the neighbor of the caller who said that the suspect ran thataway with her boyfriend chasing. Not that I didn't think this was important, but as I said, I had no one to respond. Well, that is until she called back saying that her boyfriend and the neighbor/victim both had the suspect at gunpoint!



I asked for cars to start, got one of the guys from the grant. Ok...um yeah, go ahead. I know he's not supposed to do anything but the grant but who am I, a lowly dispatcher, to tell a Cpl no?



He goes enroute, I tell him I'll get him a backer from....well, somewhere. I tell my partner who starts 2 from her side of town which were oh, only 15 miles or so away. I tell another partner who has the county side of things who starts 2 deputies from about the same distance. I hit the floor pedal and tell the Cpl that I have 5 enroute (forgot one of the K9's) but all were aways away.



Radio goes silent except for the units on the shooting using my main channel to chat about the shooting (just a hint...take it to the chat channel please?). Next thing I hear is the Cpl saying that he's arrived, both 'armed' citizens have taken off in foot pursuit of the suspect and he needs one of his backers asap. "I have one side of the perimeter, the armed citizens have the other two sides, if I can get one backer here, and one here I think that we'll have him boxed in and can have K9 start a track". What?!? Armed citizens holding a perimeter?? Ok, those of you backing copy? This is dispatcher speak for 'I don't care how far away you are, get it in gear boys'!



A few minutes later everyone is there, perimeter is locked down and I hear "Ok, K9, the citizen is gonna lead you to where to start the track". Huh? Then "you officers on perimeter check that citizen...no, no...not that citizen, that one, this one has been checked. Yes I know he has a gun in his waistband, he's ok". What?? "No, not the citizen with the lantern, he's ok too...that one, over there". Ok, time out. I'm trying to document all of this on the call, even though they're not talking to me, but in case the case goes to court, someone gets hurt, whatever. What do I call the armed citizens? Lantern One and Shirtless with a Gun? Under normal circumstances, a citizen, any citizen, within a perimeter would be dog bait, fair game for tackle in the dark football, whatever. I can only picture this in my head....a ADHD candidate frantically pulling and pointing to the K9 officer to start track 'right here' whilst standing in the very spot to ruin the scent, a shirtless wonder with a beer belly and a .357 pointed at his, um, stuff, wiping his nose on his forearm and attempting to look good (or at least less incompetant) for his trailer queen and an old man with a Coleman lantern, bottle bottom glasses and plaid polyester pants pulled up to his pits helping this Cpl direct the operation like Coppola acolytes.

Did I mention the Cpl doesn't get to play in the field very often? That he's normally in HQ?

I tell myself, take a deep breath, let it out, don't have an Irish tempered, red-headed fit here. Whew, ok. I'm better now.

Long and short of it, everyone is ok, suspect is taken into custody, citizens have something to brag about and most importantly....no one gets shot, thank the sweet Lord in Heaven.

What's that saying, about the Lord watching over fools?

They give these people guns?

Ah, it's time for the new rookie officers to be cut loose on their own, just in time for the new class to hit the streets for field training. This means it's time for "situationals", which are officers posing as citizens in various situations to give the trainees some experience before they hit the street.

Rookie officers are always good for a laugh. Of course most of them are in their 20's and lack, shall we say, life experience? However, we sometimes get one that has come from a smaller agency and should, I repeat, should have some clue.

I have worked situationals numerous times but I think the funniest thing I heard was "10-8, unable to locate". Excuse me? You couldn't locate the officer pretending to be the drunken citizen causing a disturbance at a business? He is purposefully there to be found and dealt with! That is the point of a situational!

Unfortunately, after 4 months of in field training, some are no better. One came to dispatch to "run the packet" meaning pick up paperwork from teletype to that division. He obviously had never been there before. I asked him "are you lost?" and proceeded to tell him, "go 6 paces forward and ask the lady on your right, she'll help you".

Silly me! I assumed that these were very clear directions.

He turned 90 degrees to his right and proceeded to head off to ask the female - to his left, not right - if there was anything to take back to the division when I yelled no! Back here, where you were, go forward thataway, her... yeah that one!

I just shake my head and ask, and they give these people guns?

stupidity is universal

I've been reading other dispatcher/911 operator's blogs the past week and one thing I've come to realize...stupidity is universal. Some of the things I've read, I can easily say, I've heard before. Now you might not think that getting a call for an officer to come unlock someone's sex play handcuffs would be that common, but believe me, it apparently is! Along with an elderly woman calling the police to report her electricity being out (she could'nt turn on the light to look up the number to the power company you see), 3 calls in one night about parents coming home to find their innocent little darling messing about with an older boy and wanting to file rape charges against the obvious sexual deviant and many more.

I've read a few blogs that operators have written and laughed till I cried when reading things that I mistakenly assumed only happen in my city. Let's see if I can add to the list. For background info, while I do take calls on occasion, I work for a mid-sized agency that has some taking calls, some dispatching and most of the time I'm on the dispatch side of things, so alot of what I talk about occurs on the radio between dispatch and officers.

It was early in the morning on a weekday, somewhere around 0500 when I got a domestic with a weapon on my screen. It's never a good thing when as soon as a call hits the screen you also get a message from the calltaker saying "sorry". By now you'd think that I'd learn to read the call before starting to give it on the radio, that the "sorry" would give me a clue but...no. I keyed up, called for the primary officer and one to back, gave the address and the callers name. Ok, so normal up to now you must be saying to yourself. I then keyed up to give the info on the call..."Caller advises he is having a fight with his wife who is hitting him with a knick-knack" and in the background a co-worker says under her breath "paddywhack". I started laughing so hard I couldn't breathe, the private lines directly to the dispatch consoles started ringing, messages started coming in from the officers laptops and eventually I was able to squeak out the rest of the call. Aside from embarrassing myself on the radio, we all had a good laugh - well except for the guy getting hit by his wife of course.

Another of my favorite radio bloopers is from a brand new officer who was still in field training. This officer had come to us from another agency and was having some difficulty getting used to our 10 codes and phonetics. He went on a traffic stop, gave his location and the rest of it went something like this..."show me out with uh, David Breaker Breaker, uh I mean David Baker Baker..." I couldn't resist, I had to acknowledge in kind "10-4 good buddy, can I have a car to back?" When all I got was static from too many officers trying to come on the radio at once I finally heard from the field "Breaker 1-9, I'm already behind him, all others can keep on truckin!" Who says you can't have fun at work!

Last but not least for today I'll mention a call that I had received that qualifies in the "What kind of drugs are you on?" category.

Friday night, about 2330 hrs or so, I get a "check on wellbeing" call on my screen. Unfortunately I didn't have the chance to look at it immediately cuz "my boys" were kickin my butt (50 of them, one of me on this channel). An undercover officer has just gone in foot pursuit of a guy that bailed from a car, another holds radio traffic cuz he has a suspect resisting and they're both down on the ground fighting and just as soon as that is done, we get an armed robbery. After resuming normal radio traffic, everyone is pretty quiet cuz they're all busy. My fellow dispatchers have left me alone knowing I had heavy radio traffic, but I got a minute to breathe, answer questions that I didn't have time to listen to let alone answer and I started to look through the calls that have come in for dispatch.

Ok at this point, I'm hyped. All this has occurred in about 15 minutes time and like I said, the boys were giving me a workout keeping up with them. I'm focused on who is left to give calls to, sorting through the calls and deciding which is in immediate need of dispatch and which can hold when I look at the "check on wellbeing". A concerned citizen called in, wanting officers to check on the helicopter that was circling her house repeatedly because the noise and lights were disturbing her. What?? Like an officer is gonna be able to check on a helicopter in the sky? This isn't Back To The Future lady, we don't have hoverboards! Call the FAA if you have a complaint, sheesh! What kind of drugs are you on anyway?

Ok ok, after I calmed down I checked on our helicopter which was showing to be 10-8, in service. Turns out, they were on the undercover officer's foot pursuit (without telling me) and they were circling the woman's house cuz the suspect was in her backyard underneath some bushes! So now I feel dumb.

So you see...stupidity is, in my opinion, universal...and none of us are immune, most especially myself!